I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nutella sex= disaster
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
