i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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