I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
