its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
