Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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