what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
