I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
