God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
