she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
only if we run a train.
done.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
