This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
