He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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