i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
