you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
