Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
