yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize