Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
