At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
