You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
