Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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