We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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