Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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