If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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