He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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