Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
