I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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