New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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