If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
