he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
