he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
