We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
