peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
handjob tips. give me some.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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