did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
