awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
