I'm gonna have a badass scar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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