you would pick up someone in the library
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize