Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
