i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
