two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
