She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
