My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
