I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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