And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
whose parrot is this?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
