So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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