I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
