I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
