I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I deserve this hangover.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
