i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
