I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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