Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Someone came in the potted fern
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
