Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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