I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
