i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
