How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
