you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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