Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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