he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
