Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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