ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We need to get me chipped asap
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
