That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
