i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
