uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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