i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
