also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
