Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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